I seldom think of Daddy without getting a catch in my throat and a heaviness in my heart. He died too young, before we were old enough to understand him and how much he sacrificed for his family. I deeply regret that I didn't get to know him better, appreciate him more, and let him know how much I love him.
Daddy's life was hard -- very hard. He was a gentle soul and didn't cope well with the physical demands on his body and the emotional demands on his mind. He didn't let his gentle nature show when we were growing up. Rather, he worked pretty hard to hide it. I was terrified of this withdrawn man who would sometimes unexpectedly burst out in a rage. It was much much later in my life and long after his death that I grew to understand his behavior was a cry for help.
I was never comfortable with Daddy, but I needed and wanted his affection and his attention so much! Those rare times that I felt connected to him are burned forever into my brain. This is one of my favorites:
A Memorable Moment with Daddy
I worked in the "candy room" after school throughout my senior year. At times Daddy would pick me up in his rickety old Ford and take me home. On one of those trips home, just after we passed Carbide's on Bold Camp we rounded a curve to the right and the door on the passenger side swung open. As I grabbed for the handle I was pulled half way out of the truck. My skirt billowed behind me as I planted my left foot on the floorboard and jammed my right foot firmly in the crack between the open door and the truck body. At the same time I felt a strong hand clamp onto my left arm as the truck slowed down, and Daddy pulled me back. The door closed hard on my right foot and bounced open again. Daddy kept a firm hold on my arm as I slid my foot back into the truck and pulled the door safely shut.
Daddy asked if I was all right and I did not admit that my foot hurt and my heart was pounding. My pain was nothing compared to my relief that he had rescued me from serious danger, and my surprise that I was able to hang on long enough to be rescued! The look in his eyes told me he completely understood. Typically a man of few words, however, he grinned, put both hands on the steering wheel and accelerated.
Daddy's life was hard -- very hard. He was a gentle soul and didn't cope well with the physical demands on his body and the emotional demands on his mind. He didn't let his gentle nature show when we were growing up. Rather, he worked pretty hard to hide it. I was terrified of this withdrawn man who would sometimes unexpectedly burst out in a rage. It was much much later in my life and long after his death that I grew to understand his behavior was a cry for help.
I was never comfortable with Daddy, but I needed and wanted his affection and his attention so much! Those rare times that I felt connected to him are burned forever into my brain. This is one of my favorites:
A Memorable Moment with Daddy
I worked in the "candy room" after school throughout my senior year. At times Daddy would pick me up in his rickety old Ford and take me home. On one of those trips home, just after we passed Carbide's on Bold Camp we rounded a curve to the right and the door on the passenger side swung open. As I grabbed for the handle I was pulled half way out of the truck. My skirt billowed behind me as I planted my left foot on the floorboard and jammed my right foot firmly in the crack between the open door and the truck body. At the same time I felt a strong hand clamp onto my left arm as the truck slowed down, and Daddy pulled me back. The door closed hard on my right foot and bounced open again. Daddy kept a firm hold on my arm as I slid my foot back into the truck and pulled the door safely shut.
Daddy asked if I was all right and I did not admit that my foot hurt and my heart was pounding. My pain was nothing compared to my relief that he had rescued me from serious danger, and my surprise that I was able to hang on long enough to be rescued! The look in his eyes told me he completely understood. Typically a man of few words, however, he grinned, put both hands on the steering wheel and accelerated.